See what I see………
You want to see what I see when I close my eyes at night?
Imagine? The barrel of a gun about 6 inches from your head, before you can instinctively move you see your marks’ finger apply pressure to the trigger. You expect and prepare for the worse, life to end as you know it………….but instead you hear a “click”, then your training falls right into place without hesitation. Now your mark is in your shoes, lying in the damp grass, alone, pride keeps him from begging for his life, though some do. Pathetic! You kill? Yet you beg for your life and actually expect mercy, no mercy. As the mark lays on his back pushing himself through the wet slippery grass away from you till he reaches a tree behind him that he ultimately knew was there, the tree representing the end of the line for him essentially. You plant your feet firmly, look into his eyes with this sickening desire to watch the horror expose itself in his gaze, then the final gratification of witnessing life leave his expression completely. You controlled this human beings destiny, but you did a job, you may have saved another’s life. Better yet even you kept your country out of harms way at the hands of this person who lay lifeless in front of you with eyes still open, lifeless, but open nonetheless with a blank stare into nothingness. You justify all this in your mind as a job well done, but answer me this. Why did I enjoy it? Was I programmed this way unknowingly? Throughout life and my chosen career path I mistakenly thought I was intelligent enough to know my surroundings, to always stay one step ahead of even those training me. A false assumption, they were teaching me to think this way, thus in return manipulating my mind to think in a way of having no conscious, cold. A heart that serves one purpose, enables my organs to function together in order to sustain bodily function. My mind houses no emotion. Emotions get in the way of the mission at hand, you have an objective, and failure is not an option, yet so many times it closely became the end result. I was good at what I did. Why? Why would one be good at causing such harm? How can someone be so intelligent as to be recruited by one of the world’s most elite cooperative organizations in existence? Yet be so blind to ones own mental manipulation. I guess that’s what makes these individuals the best, leaving you to only believe you are the best, which is exactly what you are led to believe. In this world nothing is ever what it seems, trust no one, only your instincts……………………………All your sacrifices! Look what they’ve left you with! A mind that has to house emotion now in order to experience love and relationships, but what most don’t see is the horror of the past now being faced. So many faces, so much pain, so much horror, so much destruction being relived over, and over, haunted by my own thoughts. No rest for the wicked.
No Mercy
